What to say if I don’t want to use the word cancer with my kids
Written by Kelsey Mora, CCLS, LCPC
Author of The Dot Method©
On page x-xi of The Dot Method, there is a “how to guide” for the adults using the interactive workbook to teach kids about cancer. One of the topics covered includes “understand your comfort level.” This includes your comfort level with using the word cancer with kids. There are a lot of reasons why using the word cancer with kids can be helpful and the workbook itself, does use the word. However, The Dot Method is meant to be a guide; parents and caregivers should feel comfortable exchanging the word cancer for sick, bad, or broken cells if preferred.
Using the word cancer with kids and explaining it in an honest, age appropriate way can be helpful because:
Cancer is it’s own type of illness. It’s different than a cold, flu, or COVID. So using sick or illness can be confusing.
Cancer is not caused by germs. It’s caused by a problem with the cells. It’s not contagious.
Cancer takes longer to get better and sometimes people don’t get better. Typical remedies alone won’t fix cancer.
Cancer requires some treatment at a hospital or clinic. It’s not an illness that can be cared for at home alone.
Every cancer experience is different. From type to treatment to symptoms and outcomes.
Just because you don’t use the word cancer, doesn’t mean other people won’t. Kids need consistent information from their trusted adults.
Using the word cancer can help give context and consistency to subsequent conversations such as treatment changes and side effects.
Cancer can feel like a scarier word than it is. Adults help make it less scary by explaining it in an age-appropriate way. Avoiding it can make it scarier.
If you don’t feel comfortable using the word cancer, I recommend talking to kids about cancer being a problem with the cells rather than using the word sick which may be more confusing. Consider using the name of the cancer, broken cells, sick cells, or bad cells and help kids understand that cancer is a different kind of sick. Also, if you choose not to use the word cancer, remember to:
Inform other adults in your child’s life (relatives, school, etc) of the words you are using
Consider what you might do or say if someone else uses the word
Reevaluate and shift your approach as they age and develop
The Dot Method is a cover to cover comprehensive guide that makes cancer less scary, more simple, and more approachable not only for kids, but for the adults who love and support them.
